Word Count: 683
Author's Summary: Jack can't tell you what he's thinking right now, but he CAN try to write it down afterwards, in copious and explicit detail. What a shame he sucks at summaries...
Characters/Pairings: Ten/Donna/Ten, Gwen, Jack/Ianto
Warnings: Explicit sex
Recced because: It's my last day of recs, so it's time for crackfic! The kinkmeme at sizeofthatthing has produced some outstanding fic, but none funnier than this one. Written for a prompt based partially on Jack's line from "Journey's End" – "I can't tell you what I'm thinking right now" – this story is rude, crude, and made me laugh so hard I cried. Jack is an appalling fanfic author – his prose couldn't be more purple, he sticks author's notes wherever he feels like it, and he uses similes that are perhaps best described as "unique" and "unforgettable" in that "dear God, how could someone possibly write this" sort of way. Especially recommended for any fans or members of the fanficrants and weepingcock communities.