Author: Elliptic Eye
Word Count: 2090
Author's Summary: Committing suicide was a real challenge if you were a Time Lord.
Warnings: None, unless general Valeyardiness counts.
Recced because: The Valeyard is such an interesting figure. Everything we do know about him comes from completely unreliable sources. This lets people try out new idea for him and play with how the Valeyard came about. Elliptic Eye does an utterly fabulous job of showing how the Doctor became the Valeyard.
He peered into the mirror. He didn't feel like an amalgamation of darkest sides. He felt pretty normal, in fact.
Seriously, what the hell was he supposed to do with this? His talents were designing Rube Goldberg machines, practical application of chaos theory, and saving planets; the few occasions when he'd deliberately tried to play the villain had been disasters. There'd been Ace to attest to that, once. And the Valeyard hadn't been merely a villain, he'd been a legal villain. The Doctor had never even passed law school. He'd never even passed in an Earth law school. He supposed that he could fake his credentials and open up shop as one of the ambulance chasers advertising on refrigerator magnets the galaxy over, but it still wouldn't get him back to Gallifrey.
Back to Gallifrey. Gallifrey, back to. The very words were ridiculous, and not half so ridiculous as anything that he might possibly do if he ever got there. There ought to have been a book. What to Expect When You're Expecting to be Evil.