Word Count: 5632
Author's Summary: Malfunctioning copulation detectors on war-mad clockwork half-goats can really complicate a day; luckily, Amy's there to help. Shameless S5 trope!smut.
Characters/Pairings: Eleven/Amy from early on in season 5
Warnings: Explicit sex, swearing
Recc'ed Because: According to the author: "This happened because I read the entire Eleven-Era Kink Meme in two days. My fanfic motto: EMBRACE ALL THE TROPES. I regret nothing." Folks, there is nothing to regret here: it is a glorious trope fic. An "aliens sort of make them do it" fic? Or maybe a "shag to save the world" fic. But unlike the way some of these tropes can go dark and angsty, this one stays firmly in the "hot and hilarious" category, yet still managing to keep enough away from full-on crack fic to add some subtler depth of character as well. It's a particular trope that one needs to handle with care to get right, but the author does that; keeping each character true, and I also appreciate how the situation unfolds in a way that the eventual sexytimes are consensual and more of a consummation of an underlying desire on both sides. DID I MENTION THERE ARE ALSO ROBOT GOATS? Did I? It's that kind of fic. There is also a breezy style, pitch-perfect Eleven and Amy banter (yes, he never stops talking...), and I laughed so hard, but yeah, also, it's totally hot.
The Doctor gets up close to the Artificial Satyr and peers into one orange eye, then the other, then back again. He has to stand on his tip toes to manage. This is not a short race of clockwork-goat-people. "You lot don't live very long," he says. "Forty, fifty years at most. I've got nearly a millennium on the most senior members of the Collective -- what makes you think you have the right to call me a child?"
The satyr shakes his head. His robot legs click.
"Well?" the Doctor says, impatient.
The satyr's headshake turns slightly pitying.
"And while we're at it, why is Amy mature? She's only seven years old--"
"Same difference." The Doctor ignores Amy's scoff as he goes on (mostly to himself): "She's mature but I'm not, except I'm old even by Time Lord standards, so it isn't a matter of age, can't be behavior, she's vastly more childish than I am--"
"Standing right here, Raggedy Man!"
"Hush up, Pond, I'm thinking. If it's a matter of experience, there's no possible--"
"She has experienced adulthood," interrupts the satyr. Pointedly.
The Doctor breaks off and stops his pacing. He looks at Amy. He looks at the Artificial Satyr's bowed legs. He looks down at himself.
At the legs.
"Oh," he abruptly cries, "oh, that is just not fair! It's only a new body!"